When I think of “support” the first thing that comes to mind
for me are support beams. They are structural, solid, and functional objects that
silently do the heavy lifting without requiring much fuss or to do. To me this
is reminiscent of supportive communication. Anyone can have a great
relationship when everything is happy and easy, but what supportive
communication seeks to accomplish is to preserve positive relationships, even
strengthen it, while dealing with difficult issues (Whetten & Cameron,
2011). It can be very difficult to give negative feedback even when it is
necessary and will help the other person. Supportive communication is the tool
that acts as the support beam to prevent the relationship from collapsing.
I have been a conscientious person about how I speak others
and how I handle my relationships. I find that I generally try to operate from
a supportive place of kindness but at times this means tough love with a gentle
touch. I have had dance coaches and math teachers alike that made teaching feel
like an attack. I was great at dance and terrible at math but for unknown
reasons both operated from a place of evaluative communication. Maybe it is
easier just to say the first thing on your mind such as “you are doing it
wrong!” or similar sentiments. From those examples I am careful to remember that
unpleasant lesson which is to create a safe environment for constructive
comments. I know I shut down or am less receptive when I feel attacked and I am
not alone on this matter.
In my present position there are numerous occasions when bad
news needs to be delivered. This could be that a student missed the withdrawal
deadline and is not in the class for the remainder of the term, that they are
on academic warning or worse, have been dismissed from the university, or even
that there plans for enrollment may be overextending themselves which may have
an impact on academic performance. It is much easier when I think of myself as
a safety net of information and that I am trying to help while there are still
options to explore. The first thing I do is focus on the event and not the
person. Sometimes it is as simple as telling someone I am concerned and I want
to create a strategy to get through the issue with them.
When I began my position I trained for three months before I
was allowed to talk to a student on my own. Sometimes my students will apologize
when they are admitted for having so many questions and possibly for feeling
lost. I knowingly remember my training period and reassure them that I
understand fully the vastness of questions. This is why I use descriptive, problem-oriented,
and validating statements. We are all on different paths in life and cannot all
possibly know all of the same things at the same time. Sometimes it takes a
while for everything to click and sink in and that is okay. It really is and I
want to make that clear that I am there to help and not to make someone feel
bad about questions. In fact, the quickest way to close communication between
two people is to make them feel bad about their questions and then the
important questions will never get asked or answered.
I cannot stress this
is why validating communication is so important; people should feel understood,
accepted, and valued (Whetten & Cameron, 2011). I want to understand others
and I think it is terrible to criticize others or make them feel small. There
is already too much of that in the media, online, and from others. The
negativity stops with me and I am a safe place to ask questions. My students
seem to genuinely feel my open heart and thank me for my patience and my time.
I am a big fan of fact finding and information gathering myself and find it
refreshing to see that in others. I know that supportive listening and
communication authentically work wonders with building new relationships but
also maintaining them through difficult times. Harshness and hurt are not the
imprints I wish to leave behind. Respect and support make a tremendous impact
on the lives of others.
Reference:
Whetten, D. & Cameron, K. (2011). Developing management
skills (8th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall
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