When I graduated with my undergraduate degree from
Mississippi College, I was let down that the journey was over… once it was
over, that is. Of course, I wanted to know that I would successfully finish and
reap the rewards of having a degree. I did not realize once there weren’t new
semesters and classes that I would miss it. A couple years passed and began to
wonder what it would be like to receive a Master’s degree. I had mixed, but
enthusiastic thoughts about the prospect ranging from “I can do that!” to “Can
I do that?” and whatever comes between those extremes.
I chose the Master of Science in Leadership for several
reasons, most of which came from the frustrations of my past experiences. I
wanted to arm myself with information to create a better environment and
organizations than those I had come in contact. I had grave disappointment
seeing what companies do to aging individuals that gave their life’s work only
to be pushed out just inside the realm of legality. Even witnessing how they
cut corners in ways that detract from the hard work employees put forth. I knew
there was a better way, and I needed to know how. I never imagined what effect
this would have on me.
While I am still the same, I have also grown and changed.
The MSLD journey has sped the process of self-discovery that may have taken a
lifetime to uncover. I have learned things I did not know were possible about
me. “What we value, how we feel about ourselves, how we behave toward others,
what we want to achieve, and what we are attracted to all are strongly
influenced by our emotional intelligence, values, cognitive style, orientation
toward change, and core self-evaluation” (Whetten & Cameron, 2011, p. 62).
While I think my values have only been reaffirmed, and my emotional
intelligence has been strengthened, the areas in which I see the most change is
in my core self-evaluation, cognitive styles, and attitudes toward change.
It is easy to get people to agree on wanting an improvement
especially if it means something new or something better until they realize
that to have improvement it also usually means change is involved. I have
always had a love/hate relationship with change. As a creator, I enjoy
redesigning and transforming things I come in contact with and making something
new. There are times when change frightens me.
I have realized that I have more tolerance for ambiguity than I give
myself credit for and that my fear is perhaps a coping mechanism to keep me on
my toes. “Individuals who have a high tolerance of ambiguity also tend to be
more cognitively complex. They tend to pay attention to more information,
interpret more cues, and possess more sense-making categories than less complex
individuals do” (Whetten & Cameron, 2011, p. 77).
To explain this further, I am comfortable with the abstract.
If I woke up and were told the sky is now purple, I would likely shrug and say
okay. That sounds pretty cool. Then I would wonder if this means I have to do
anything different. At this point, I
would start to worry that I was not prepared and that I will not meet the
change in the right way. Once I understood I could navigate the change
appropriately, I would be back to being cool as a cucumber. I do not mind
ambiguous situations nor do I dislike stimulus-rich environments. I simply wish
to keep up with what comes my way next.
Cognitive styles are “inclinations toward information and
learning that we have developed over time. Hence, cognitive styles can be
altered and changed through practice and conscious development” (Whetten &
Cameron, 2011, p. 74). There are three dimensions of cognitive styles: knowing
style, planning style, and creating the style. While I score better in the
creating style, I feel connected to the other styles, too. Whetten &
Cameron (2011) mention that rules and procedures are views as obstacles and has
been correlated with extraversion. I do not necessarily agree with either of
those assertions. As much as I am the definition of someone who seeks novelty
and emphasizes creativity, I would be lost without structure and plans and also
at a deficit without facts and details.
Through my MSLD coursework, I learned that there is such a
thing as existing in more than one designation. Upon learning about complexity
science, the idea of “both/and” was revealed. One approach does not replace the
other (Obolensky, 2010). This idea is applicable here as I have a tendency
toward each of the three sets of attributes, which tend to help me reduce
possible liabilities. I did not prefer
to have to identify with just one and little snippets of information I have
picked up has set me free to say that I can have it all if I work on them all.
Most importantly is my core self-evaluation that has vastly
made leaps and bounds. “Core self-evaluation assess the extent to which you
possess positive self-regard, or that you feel valuable, capable, stable, and
in control” (Whetten & Cameron, 2011, p. 80). Through dance I had gained
self-esteem and felt very comfortable with myself. As an adult that avenue
dissipated and there became a whole new maze of criteria to contend with and
try to conquer. My esteem, in terms of beginning this program, was not the
best; I cried for six weeks straight. Growing can be painful as it pushes and
then pulls you as you are reshaped so that you can be made whole again in a new
way.
A couple terms ago I was walking around my office, and I
realized I felt different. I was walking proudly, and I felt self-assured. This
was a major turning point for me to realize how far I had come. I believed in
my self-efficacy. Since I also believed in myself and have embraced who I am,
quirks and all, I let it shine for the world to see and infused it into my
work. Part of it is being in an organization that is the right fit, and the
other part was feeling comfortable to show my personality uniqueness.
Just as Whetten & Cameron (2011) predict, self-core
evaluation is an indicator of job performance and the effectiveness of
individuals at work. Recently I was honored with the distinction of Academic
Advisor of the Year 2015. There are almost thirty other advisors who are
amazing at what they do, and each is just as deserving. I think what set me
apart is the knowledge of leadership that I enveloped into my advising, how I
relate to our team through this knowledge, and the confidence I have realized
in myself. Walking around with my head
held high was enough of an indicator for me in terms of my increased level of
self-awareness. This esteemed honor is above and beyond anything I could have
dreamed.
I would be remiss to
say it is all me, as I know it is not. I am self-aware to know that I have been
positively affected by my program, my peers in my program who have shared their
insight, the creators of each of the courses, in addition to those whom I work
with daily. My director, my team leader, the senior members of the team who
share their wisdom, all of my team who support me and are willing to brainstorm
with me when I bring a new idea based on MSLD coursework, and all of my
colleagues who are not only amazing people but also my friends. I learn so much
from the people around me, and they give so much to me in ways they may not
realize. For me, leadership is largely defined as the shared experience in
which we grow and learn with each other.
References:
Obolensky, N. (2010). Complex adaptive leadership:
Embracing paradox and uncertainty. Burlington, VT; Gower Publishing
Company
Whetten, D. & Cameron, K.
(2011). Developing management skills
(8th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall
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