Oh, values. According to a quote I found on Pinterest by Roy
Disney, “It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.”
That sounds just great and all, but this week I learned that outside of that
being a tidy little sound bite, such assertions do not always stand up when we
are faced with sources of inconsistency. Regardless, we all have values in some
form or fashion. When I was in college in Mississippi I heard a lot of the same
values, which to me sounded like something you were taught you had to believe
rather than thinking for yourself and learning what you really hold dear enough
to protect. Beyond my shiny exterior of glitter, unicorns and happiness is a
deep-rooted, wickedly steadfast streak for challenging the world around me. The
values I have are internally motivated and were not assigned to me because I
was made to feel they were important.
While admittedly, some values just sound more important than others I
created a concept map to organize my thoughts and which three values are most
important to me. My protected values are creativity, justice, and self-respect.
The way I have learned that I have these values is that when
they are threatened I feel passion that burns so quickly and intensely that I
cannot ignore how I am awakened internally, like when I witness injustice, it
is like there is a little button inside of me that when pushed my focus is relentless. I forget about being mild
mannered or timid about conflict and am suddenly I am a warrior of peace. I
would say that in general this is not something you would guess about me, but
if my little world of hearts and happiness is violated then I spring into
action to mediate what is causing the disruption in the world around me. When I
was thirteen I lived with my grandmother. She is such a gentle, but rather
frailly tempered person. I would hear a man yelling next door a lot. It turns
out he had a wife who was disabled and he would just scream at her for any and
everything. It made me furious that he did this to someone who was not as
capable to stand up to him or even leave. She was dependent on his support.
One day after he finished yelling he went out into the yard
and so did I. The fury inside me would not allow myself to sit idly by and hear
this happen. Before I consciously decided to say something, I had already
gotten his attention. I told him it was not okay what he was doing and it
needed to stop. After his shock wore off, he challenged me. I remember him asking
me, “Little girl what do you think you are going to do about it?” The bottom
line was that I didn’t have to do much about it other than pick up the phone
and let someone trained handle it and that he may not get in trouble or be
taken to jail, but he will have to at the very least answer some questions
about why his neighbors hear so much yelling from his house. I told him until
he stops I won’t stop. I am not sure he was used to having someone stand up to
him. The other, also elderly, neighbors heard what was going on and came out to
watch, probably to make sure he did not come over the fence after me. After he
went back inside they told me they could not believe I would be brave enough to
confront him because they were too scared. I did not hear him anymore. Even as
an adult I am still kind of small, rather physically weak, but my voice is
strong.
I think my protector side that values justice comes from my
other value, self-respect. When I was younger there were times when people,
adults who should have been supportive but weren’t, tried to find a way to make me feel like I was
nothing, that I was unimportant and that I didn’t matter and that I never
would. There are two ways that scenario could have gone: I could have believed
it and been emotionally stifled and it would have become true and the prophecy
would have been fulfilled; but something different happened, I refused to
believe it, I fought against it, and I proved to myself what I knew was true…
that I am worth something. I know I am important because everyone is important
regardless of what someone else thinks. There is a voice inside that says why
not me? I am not sure how I got so lucky to have that belief, but since I have
it I am never letting go. I think this is one of the values I will go lengths
to protect. Self-respect is part of our preservation.
On the other hand, my value of creativity breathes purpose
and life inside of me even in the darkest, emptiest times; early in life there
were several. I think I survived as well as I did because of creativity. At the
end of the day, having self-respect allows you to carry yourself through challenges,
show to others how you expect to be treated, and through self-respect you are
able to by confident enough in yourself to give respect others. For me
creativity is my pursuit to make things interesting and beautiful in the world
around me and it gives me something to hold on to when things are difficult. It
is the difference between saying to someone ‘I hope you are having a nice day’ or
prefer ‘I hope you are having a sensational Sunday!’ because creativity is in
the details. Dancing is where I realized how much creative potential I have,
but I enjoy it in the details of architecture, listening to music, being caught
in the middle of a flash mob, or admiring the beautiful purple hair that
someone is brave enough to have. There
is beauty and innovation all around if we just look for it. I think creativity
is where ideas are born and how we grow; how we are able to move from one point
in history to another.
This week, my class engaged in a discussion on the topic
negotiating through email. It can be tremendously difficult to get your meaning
across through just text sometimes. Although the business world frowns upon
smileys, I have had times when they have “helped over-come the inherent limits
of e-mails isolated text-only world” (Hoch, Kunreuther & Gunther, 2001, p.
208). To me that is what creativity is, seeing a need, understanding there is a
gap and filling it. Emoticons can help us give non- verbal cues to the message
receiver that would otherwise be lost. I believe that emoticons will eventually
win out over those who pooh-pooh their use and existence. I am sure when email
was first invented there were groups of people who said it was too informal and
inappropriate, but here we are in the age where email rules. I am not saying
that we will see the Queen of England or POTUS putting wink faces in official
correspondence, but I think they will become more widely accepted in the near
future.
At the Agriculture Museum in Jackson, Mississippi, one of my
favorite little places, there is an old town set up that you can walk through
and even buy old fashioned items at the little country store. One day my
boyfriend and I were there and I wondered aloud, what job do you think I would
have back then? I decided that being in the fire tower and watching for fire
would be fun and that I would want to do that. He just looked at me like I was
missing some important fact then reminded me I am a woman and I probably would
not even be allowed to have a job. He is in full support of my girl power but
teases me that it is lucky I was born when I was because I would have been
burned at the stake. This is probably true. Creativity is something that I feel
is part of most things and I do not feel like there are too many trade-offs
that would be required. Even when something is formulaic there is still a
clever way to sneak in something that pleases my creative values. For my other
two values, self-respect and justice, I think those are the two I am most
adamant about not abandoning. I would say self-respect is the top value on my
list. The Wharton text points out that people often feel tremendous regret of
their actions if they find they have violated their values rather than revising
the value (Hoch, Kunreuther & Gunther, 2001). The text continues, “Even
when holding these protected values people have some threshold for when it is
appropriate to hold this values and when it is appropriate to trade it off”
(Hoch, Kunreuther & Gunther, p. 254).
“Throughout history, using one's values in personal decision
making has implied integrity, ethical behavior, and leadership” (Levitt-Rosenthal,
2013, para. 1). Levitt-Rosenthal (2013) recounts how the town of Southbury, CT
had to trade-off some of their values in order to say no and prevent the German
American Bund movement from establishing a military camp in their town. If I
were ever to trade off one of my values, it would only be for the greater good,
like the town of Southbury so bravely did. I believe my values enhance my
decision-making ability, not hinder it.
We are the only species on this
planet that has ever held its own fate in its hands. We have no significant
predators, we're the masters of our physical environment; the things that
normally cause species to become extinct are no longer any threat to us. The
only thing -- the only thing -- that can destroy us and doom us are our own
decisions. (Gilbert, 2005, n.p.).
I believe I value self-respect, justice, and creativity
because those are some of the ingredients needed to make a better society, a
more unified world. I want to be someone who is part of helping not hurting. We
will all end up facing our own unique trials and tribulations but it is
important to keep our values in mind so that we can stay true to ourselves. It
is so much easier to give them up when things get tough than it is to hold on
to them.
References:
Gilbert, D. (2005, July). Why we make
bad decisions. Retrieved February 14, 2015, from
http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_researches_happiness
Hoch, S., Kunreuther, H., &
Gunther, R. (2001). Wharton on making
decisions. John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Levitt-Rosenthal, N. (2013). Ethics, values, and decision
making. Frontiers of
Health Services Management, 30(1),
27-32. Retrieved from
http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/docview/1443260901?accountid=27203
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